Manners Matter

So we've been on a manners kick lately.  I don't know, maybe the reverence thing thing inspired me that they were quite capable of more if I just made the effort.  (Full disclosure:  Our reverence has disintegrated lately, the kids often tantrum right through the prayer, or keep their eyes open, or don't repeat the prayer with us...  which is ok--it's a work in progress.)  Soooooo, after about a week I'm starting to see some real progress.  Nothing consistent, or earth-shattering.  But I'll take it!

I started, alot like I used to in the classroom.  Modeling even the simplest things.  To the point that a fly in the corner would think I was a little nuts.  I overemphasized Travis and I using good manners.  I checked out a few books from the library about the word "please".  And I put lots of positive statements out like, "I like the way Grammy used her good manners when she asked..."  All that together is sort of like putting the issue of manners in the spotlight for them.  It's hard to ignore : )  And no matter how small the attempt, or how much cuing is needed to get there, I load on the praise when good manners show up.

A quick note on praise:  I try to praise them for specific things.  Not so much, "That was nice."  Not so much, "Good job."  More like, "It makes Mommy's heart proud when you use good manners to ask for things."  Or, "Making good choices makes us feel proud inside."  Or, "I love it when you are polite to Caden."  Or even, "You are using good manners just like Mommy and Daddy do!"

At the moment, I've decided table manners are the place to start.  It's easier for me to monitor because they're strapped into their seats and I'm usually sitting there at the table with them.  Any other time it's hard to be consistent.  Ex:  The kids would ask for, "More milk!"  I would take their cup and say, "Would you like more milk?...  then say, "We say, more milk please, when we need more milk."  Or "We use good manners and say, can I have more milk please?"  Or some other phrase that meant the same thing.  At first that was it.  I'd just say it and then go do it.  But as soon as I thought they had the idea I'd pick up their cup and ask, "How can you ask Mom for more milk using good manners?"  Then cue them if needed before going to get their milk.  Now, they mostly have the idea and sometimes just ask politely with no reminders.  Sometimes I have to help them remember.  But always, at least with milk, we are consistent about expecting politeness.

In other areas, I just take it when I can get it.  Although, miracle of all miracles, yesterday when Caden wanted a toy that Addison was using he asked, "Want to use the broom please."  Addison looked right at him and said, "Not now Caden, maybe later."