Use Your Calm Voice

You might be thinking, after my last post, that I use this cool-down strategy on myself in moments of stress.  (And you'd be right on occasion.)  But most of the time, this little gem of a phrase is what we use with the kids when they're whining, blubbering or yelling.  And I've got to say, most of the time it works.  (Unless we're in an all-out-tantrum, in which case all control is gone and nothing can save us.)  I came up with it one day when Addison was pleading for something, in a high-pitched whine that was cranking up in decibels and octaves with each repetition.  My first response was to yank something out of the old teacher vault and ask her to use her "inside voice".  Of course, she doesn't have any idea what that means.  And this wasn't the moment to teach her.  So I asked her to whisper.  She just looked at me funny and kept going.  Then I tried asking her to use her "sweet voice".  I'm sure she must have been thinking, "What am I -- a lollipop?!?"  And you guessed it, the tirade continued.  Then, inspiration hit.  As I racked my brain for a descriptor that someone less than two would understand, I thought about how we'd been practicing emotion words (sad, happy, etc.) and went with it.  I was already down on her eye level, so I just asked her to look at me and said, "Mommy can't understand you when you are whining.  Use your caaaallllllm voice so I can hear you."  While she didn't respond immediately, you could tell I was on to something.  I repeated, and really stretched out the word "calm" in my smoothest, spa-like tone.  And.  She.  Stopped.  She looked at me and said, "Calm voice" in a quiet, little, expressionless tone.  SUCCESS!  Of course, I jumped on that with mountains of praise, gave her what she wanted, and practiced calm voices with her the rest of the day.  And now, it's almost automatic (at least when we're in the tantrum-free-zone).  She can come to the baby gate that leads into the kitchen and start banging it, shouting "Open da door!  Open da door Mommy!!" while I'm prepping a meal... and I'll turn around like it's no big deal at all and say smoothly, "Calm voice please"...   The gate shaking stops on cue and it's like another personality takes over as she answers, "Open da gate p'ease Mommy" in the sweetest little voice you've ever heard.  I think I just earned a merit badge.