Like Mother Like Son

Caden's verbal skills are exploding.  And his brain sometimes works much faster than his mouth can keep up with.  So occasionally he sounds as if he is stuttering.  Normally he doesn't even notice and with some restating from me he catches up to himself and moves on.  Tonight though, he was trying so hard to let the words flood out and his mouth just couldn't keep pace.  His little face got red and you could just see in his eyes that he was frustrated.  Even with my help he just couldn't say what he wanted to, the way he wanted to.  And he was exasperated.  Right then, I discovered a new connection to my son.  Yep, I get it Caden.  Mommy feels that way too sometimes.

"Mommy Brain" started during pregnancy, but never really left me.  I forget small details all the time.  I get distracted easily.  And I don't talk to grown ups very much.  I don't read things that require my brain to comprehend.  I don't watch the news or keep up with current events.  And I don't have a therapist, though I'm quite sure I could keep one gainfully employed for quite some time.  What I do instead is refer to myself in the third person most of the time. I read board books ten times in a row and then go play in beans.  I think out loud.  About what I'm doing, what the kids are doing, what they should be doing and what is about to happen.  I won't lie, I also talk to myself.  Out loud.  Even in public.  I play pretend with people who think it's hysterically funny to yell, "Da-dah-dah-dah" over and over.  And my first language is "Toddler".  English is my second language at the moment.  All of which makes it really hard to have a well thought-out idea.  To figure out exactly what I'm thinking or feeling, why and what I want to do about it in between spilled Cheerios and diaper changes.  And sometimes it's honestly hard to just make sense out loud, even when the kids are down.  Somewhere between my thoughts and my speech something breaks down.  And it burns.  The frustration bubbles up for me just like it did for Caden tonight, though I try to avoid having a red-faced tantrum at all costs.

There is so much about motherhood that is humbling.  Let's just add this to the list.