Every day, I am overwhelmed. With the intensity of it all. The eternity of it.
Every day I am pretty much assured that at some point I will feel frustrated, tired, alone, bored, weak, less-than, and confused. And in between these I will feel strong, calm, peaceful, powerful, determined, energized and joyful. I used to think it was hormones. Now I realize it's motherhood.
Every day, I am amazed. Sometimes many times during the day! I am shocked by how fast the twinlets are developing new understandings and new abilities. Just as much as I was stunned that first week home with the babies, when I swore I could see their faces change over the course of a day.
Every day, I fall in love all over. Just like I did every time I felt the babies move. Despite the endless monotony of this season in life. Despite the challenges of parenting on the fly, double-time. Despite the isolation and inexplicable exhaustion that can overtake me when I least expect it. It takes so very little for love to overtake it all. A soft hand on my shoulder. A smile followed by "Mamaaaa". Outstretched arms. The sound of a thumb being sucked right under my ear...
Yep, every day with my babies is like the first. Which is pretty much perfect, because whatever I did with my life before them... well, it just wasn't of much account.
1 comment:
Can I just tell you again how much I love your blog! I love the fact that you write about everything. I have had these feelings so many times and I think it is so great you can put your feelings into words to remember forever. Wish I could do more of that. :)
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