Photo Finish

I look tired.  I know I do.  And I occasionally hear that phrase from compassionate folks who are undoubtedly trying to affirm my daily work as a SAHM of twin two year olds.  Which means people are thinking it even more than they say. Probably about as much as I tell myself in the mirror actually.  It's not malicious.  It's just calling a spade a spade.

The things is, I get enough sleep.  I don't have a particularly stressful existence.  My life is full to the brim with blessings and comforts that most of the world would give anything for.  I really like staying at home and soaking up all-that-is-twin-twoness.  More than like it, I find real joy in it, underneath all the challenges and daily grinds.  All of which leads me to the inescapable conclusion that I have slipped down the list again.  You know, the list of important things to take care of.

I move to the top now and then but never seem to stay there.  It just feels wrong, number one.  And it's next to impossible, number two.  Things just come up.  Travel.  Sickness.  Holidays.  Things I can't ignore.  Wouldn't want to ignore.  So I skip my stuff.  And then it is easier the next time to skip me again.  I start slip-slip-slipping down the list until I'm not even on it anymore.  Sigh.

So I am hereby back on the Y wagon.  No specific goals, just to do a little better each week.  Maybe attend one more class, or sweat a little bit more.  Maybe eat a little better, drink more water, or (gasp) put on a little makeup now and then.  Something.  Anything to help me look a little bit more together.  The kids can't turn twelve with people still commenting about how I look tired.  Not.  Having.  It.

In good news, preschool is helping that battle.  It forces me to get out of my pajamas and brush my hair.  Huge upgrade!  Also, I can workout without having to cart the kids along.  But make no mistake, it is a battle.  Even if I'm dressed and ready to scoot off the Y after preschool drop offs, I sit there in my car and rationalize how much more productive this "me time" would be if I turned the car homeward to clean, pay bills and organize.  Or toward the shopping center to knock out ten errands.  See, even when I come in first, it's always a photo finish...